Back to Glennon Doyle
Back to Glennon Doyle and her bestseller, Love Warrior.
www.motheringaddiction.com – Oct 9, 2017
Can you tell I’m a fan? If I picked a scab in Mothering Addiction, Glennon evacuated an obstructed bowel in Love Warrior. No kidding. And good for her.
Glennon gets tangled up when asked repeatedly by “her village,” a simple question about the dissolution of her marriage: “What happened?”
She portrays her individual experiences with labels and descriptions so accurate to my own experience that Glennon and I are either soulmates, were separated at birth, or she has tapped into truth so profound it is universal. And she nails it.
See if you recognize any of your own “concerned” village people in these portraits. The descriptors helped me make sense of so many feelings. Bottom line, many village people mean well but have not walked in my shoes. This goes far beyond the scope of addiction or suicide. This can apply to any small, seemingly inconsequential challenge that’s presented to any one of us in our own lives.
The Shover. The Shover drivels a few canned cliches like “everything happens for a reason” or “God has a plan for you” or even “it’s darkest before the dawn.” “She uses these tired platitudes like a broom to sweep my shattered life into a tidy little pile she can sidestep.” “She wants to shove me towards the door of hope” and get to some sort of resolution, so she can make her escape.
The Comparer. The Comparer’s strategy is to hijack the moment, to respond with her own story, or to tell the unique story of some other friend. My story is lost because “only super-special people deserve to grieve and my story is just not that special.”
The Fixer. The Fixer has all the answers and written formulas in her little toolbox, and I just haven’t followed them. “There are definitive ways in and out of this mess, because to consider it random means that her life is also vulnerable to disaster.”
The Reporter. The Reporter is “collecting data” for her storyline, and she’s suspiciously eager to pose her next investigative question. “She asks inappropriate, probing questions and her eyes glisten as she waits for the answers.” I was under the impression that my story belongs to me and now it feels like I’m being robbed.
The Victim. The Victim did not hear my news from me. She heard it second or third hand, and she is devastated by my betrayal. This egregious error could be a deal breaker for our relationship.
The God-Reps. These divinely appointed village people declare that only two parties know what is best for me. God and The God-Reps.
Glennon learns to stop asking for advice, to stop over-explaining, to stop tripping all over herself with rehearsed answers, because her situation isn’t really about right and wrong. It’s “incredibly personal and often makes no sense to anyone else.” When she no longer offers her story up to others as a sacrificial lamb, she holds tight to her final word.
We can all fall into these categories at any given time. We can learn to avoid them by engaging in true, difficult, human relationship and dialogue where eyes meet, meanings are exchanged, and true empathy is felt and given.
The Ache of Addiction
WARNING: May Contain Toxic People
What comes to mind when you hear the word “toxic?”
If you’re like me, you think of the ever-growing list of toxic chemicals and toxins in our foods. And, if you’re like me, you seek to limit your exposure. But what about toxic people? Toxic people can make you just as sick.
I recently ran across a video from Oprah’s Network and offer some thoughts on “Toxic People” from three well-known experts:
Count the Cost: “There is a cost in every relationship.
Ask yourself what that cost is and is the relationship worth the price? You don’t want the cost to be you!” Dr. Phil McGraw, author, psychologist, and TV personality #DrPhil
Just Say No: “Your ‘no’ matters.
Have a strong, solid ‘no’ muscle and a strong, solid ‘yes’ muscle. Say no to the things that don’t honor you, bring you joy or peace. You don’t have to explain your no.
But stand firm in your no.” Iyania Vanzant, author, and inspirational speaker #IyaniaVanzant
Manage Expectations: “You cannot forgive someone for their behavior, if you don’t understand why they do what they do.
You can’t expect a broken radio to play like a radio that’s not broken.
It’s much easier to adjust your expectations to deliverables based on the person’s capability. You can’t expect somebody to perform on a gallon level if they only have a pint-sized capacity. T.D. Jakes, pastor, author and filmmaker #TDJakes
Bottom Line: For optimum health, limit exposure.