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WARNING: May Contain Toxic People

What comes to mind when you hear the word “toxic?”
If you’re like me, you think of the ever-growing list of toxic chemicals and toxins in our foods. And, if you’re like me, you seek to limit your exposure. But what about toxic people? Toxic people can make you just as sick.
I recently ran across a video from Oprah’s Network and offer some thoughts on “Toxic People” from three well-known experts:

Count the Cost: “There is a cost in every relationship.
Ask yourself what that cost is and is the relationship worth the price? You don’t want the cost to be you!” Dr. Phil McGraw, author, psychologist, and TV personality #DrPhil

Just Say No: “Your ‘no’ matters.
Have a strong, solid ‘no’ muscle and a strong, solid ‘yes’ muscle. Say no to the things that don’t honor you, bring you joy or peace. You don’t have to explain your no.
But stand firm in your no.” Iyania Vanzant, author, and inspirational speaker  #IyaniaVanzant

Manage Expectations: “You cannot forgive someone for their behavior, if you don’t understand why they do what they do.
You can’t expect a broken radio to play like a radio that’s not broken.
It’s much easier to adjust your expectations to deliverables based on the person’s capability. You can’t expect somebody to perform on a gallon level if they only have a pint-sized capacity. T.D. Jakes, pastor, author and filmmaker #TDJakes

Bottom Line: For optimum health, limit exposure.

#SmallDoses #MotheringAddiction

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The Man in the Arena

ON SYNCHRONICITY, TEDDY ROOSEVELT AND GETTING YOUR ASS KICKED … Synchronicity. Love that word. I just looked it up. Its definition reads like a poem.

About the time “book vulnerability” crept into my consciousness, and about the time I felt a wee bit over-exposed, my friend Margaret (you know who you are) sent me a text with an excerpt from Teddy Roosevelt’s famous speech at the Sorbonne in 1915.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

I Googled around for a while to gather more inspiration from this quote and found a Brené Brown talk about “showing up and being seen.” BTW, her comedic timing is pretty perfect. Her words reminded me why I have a visceral reaction to armchair quarterbacks, to those who sit “in the cheap seats” and pontificate about what others should do or should have done.

Brown says that there’s one guarantee if and when we make a brave step into that arena. “You’re going to get your ass kicked.” She goes on to say that if you’re not willing to go into the arena and get your ass kicked, she’s “not interested in your feedback.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself. #brenébrown #motheringaddiction

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“I SEE YOUR COURAGE AND IT’S BIGGER …”

A couple of weeks ago, my yoga instructor read the following LOVE WARRIOR post at the beginning of class. My sun salutation must have created just the right amount of space within me at just the right time, because those words took root. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about them since. And then I was talking to my friend and PR collaborator Joni Albrecht, and she knew the quote. And then on another day, another friend sent me the post. I’m curious how these words, how this brave message about true pain and true love, hits you? #motheringaddiction #bigpain #biggercourage 

LHH, FB post, yoga

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“Where is God in your story?”

LHH, fall beachA friend recently asked me, “Where is God in your story?” She asked me in a friend way, not in an accusatory way. I think it’s a good question. Other than a few quotes by Frederick Buechner, I don’t have many overt references to the spiritual world. Yet, my story is all about God. Every part of “Mothering Addiction” – the situations, the outcomes, the people, and the words to convey what they all mean – is interwoven with God and His redemptive nature in such a way that they are one in the same. I mean, only God can turn addiction inside out to reveal silver linings. I don’t want to rank any of the ways He has worked above another, but I will say that in my journey of healing, people have over and over delivered to me exactly what I needed at the time I needed it. I have no other explanation than God, and I am grateful. 

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